MISS HANNIGAN'S BEAUTY SECRETS



BEFORE



AFTER

I don't usually share my beauty secrets. But my mailbox is overloaded with letters asking me how I stay so gorgeous with such a stressful job. So I'll tell ya a few of 'em. Here goes:

1. Always wear hose. Especially when you haven't shaved in a while.
2. Always accessorize. I never go anywhere without my pearls and earrings.
3. Always wear a dress, ladies. I saw some broad in pants the other day and almost blew my whistle at her. The next thing ya know ladies will be joining the Navy! Sheesh!
4. The more make-up the better I always say.
5. I change my beauty mark everyday. It keeps people wondering where it's going to be next. But here's the trick. It has to be just the right size. If it's too big it looks like a wood tick is on your face. And that's not attractive. As you can see from the "before" picture, my beauty mark was too small and it threw off my whole day. In the "after" picture it was just right. Even Grace Farrell and Annie couldn't compete with me.
6. Those who say real beauty is in the inside never saw roadkill.















ROOSTER, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???

Oh great. Today my brother, Rooster got out of prison. Again. And guess who he brought over to meet me? Some ding dong named Lily. He didn't even know what town she was from! I always test people out to see if they can dance before I trust them. She was pretty good. Too young, but at least she can do a box step. But seriously. What is up with my brother? I always hoped he could strike it rich and get me outta this dump. I'll keep ya posted.

Oh, and keep sending me your questions. They're hilarious.

NUTS!!!

All I asked was for the Little Girls to clean up this dump. It looked like a PIGSTY! So what if it was 4:00 in the morning? It's got to happen sometime, right? I don't know what all the fuss is about. The next day, Molly threw up all over my favorite souvenir pillow from Coney Island! I am going NUTS!!!!