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AFTER
I don't usually share my beauty secrets. But my mailbox is overloaded with letters asking me how I stay so gorgeous with such a stressful job. So I'll tell ya a few of 'em. Here goes: Always wear hose. Especially when you haven't shaved in a while. Always accessorize. I never go anywhere without my pearls and earrings. Always wear a dress, ladies. I saw some broad in pants the other day and almost blew my whistle at her. The next thing ya know ladies will be joining the Navy! Sheesh! The more make-up the better I always say. I change my beauty mark everyday. It keeps people wondering where it's going to be next. But here's the trick. It has to be just the right size. If it's too big it looks like a wood tick is on your face. And that's not attractive. As you can see from the "before" picture, my beauty mark was too small and it threw off my whole day. In the "after" picture it was just right. Even Grace Farrell and Annie couldn't compete with me. Those who say real beauty is in the inside never saw roadkill.
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UMMM can I just make a comment here Hannigan? I'm a bit baffled that you think you can give beauty advice. Have you looked in the mirror recently? I mean come on, it looks like your hair matches your skirt, your hose are about 3 feet too short, and your necklace is 3 feet too long! I also heard another innocent bystander say "you are really good at being bad."
ReplyDeleteSeems to me your inner problems are beginning to match your outer ones!
Signed,
Confused in CA
Hey Miss Hannigan...can you help me with my girl friend? She looks a lot like your "after" picture and I still think there is room for improvement!!! Help!!!
ReplyDeleteDear Confused in CA,
ReplyDeleteIsn't that a bit redundant? I mean, ain't everyone in CA confused? You must be jealous AND confused. I have a lot of style. I see that you think you are some sort of a Mermaid. Well whoop-dee-do. Just because you can't wear hose doesn't mean you can say mean things about those of us who do! So there! Now go eat a fish!
Love,
Miss Hannigan
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWhat's with all the anonymouses? Are ya all scared or something? Anyway, it sounds to me like you're a very lucky person to have a girlfriend who looks just like me. I have no idea what "improvement" you think she needs. Maybe you should buy her some new jewelry and then she'll looked improved. We're as lovely as the eyes that are staring at us, I always say. So uncross your eyes, buster!
Love,
Miss Hannigan